Point of Destruction - Point of Creation

This three week trip is marking the end of a truly special romantic loving relationship with Roy. I have been blessed with experiencing love in a way that i had never experienced before. Through the relationship i received the gift of discovering the connection to my true being, the one that is spiritual, magical, energy and playful. This gift will remain with me as part of my make up, it has not dissipated because Roy and i are no longer a couple. It was marvelous to be experiencing such beauty with a loving partner such as he. This is the part that my soul aches for and i must learn to live life without this connection to him. Before my trip, he has given me another gift by releasing me from the expectation that one day our path may cross again as loving partners. Roy was clear, it will never be. In everything that i have ever experienced, this was one of the most challenging reality to face.

Is it possible that i was seeing something that was not really there? Were all of our friends and relatives wrong in thinking that we were such a great couple together? Not that it should really make a difference what people say but i am talking about those that are dear and close to us, those people who love us and care for us. In reality, all that really matters is how Roy feels inside and he was clear about the fact that he did not love me enough to be in a life-long relationship with me. I have to respect and honour his decision. I now am faced with the "mitote", thoughts and impressions about love and what it means for me. Next time love comes my way, will i recognize it? How will i know that it is true and real? What makes people fall in love and stay in love? These are the questions that i ask myself and for which i have yet to find the answers.

I realize that this trip is a gift from the universe to begin healing the wounds of the separation from an extraordinary being. My attention has shifted towards finding inner peace, my higher purpose in this life, and erasing old "karmic" lessons to make space for something new.

I met a disciple of the Acarya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness yesterday, we had an interesting exchange for a while. I realized, though he is part of a sect and i would not agree with all principles, that we are looking for the same thing, a higher purpose than our current life because we need to believe that we are part of something bigger than ourselves alone. This life is short and serves to learn and grow through experiences. If that is the case then there is something to be learned through the relations that we develop with others. At this point, my understanding of what i have learned through my relationship with Roy is about being connected to the magical part of our being.

The way i understand the theory behind the point of destruction and creation is that we have to let go of things that are important or habits or thoughts in order to create something that is new. It can be about quiting a job in which we are truly unhappy in order to find self-actualization. It can be about letting go of what we want for our children and let them live the experience of life without intervening. It can be about letting go of a wonderful relationship to find the beauty and love within ourselves.

As i am writing these few lines, the sun is coming up and i could not help but be inspired and feeling like i will be alright.

This morning, i am setting up for another class of yoga with Celeste. She is a wonderful Ashtanga teacher. Her shala is outside of the tourist belt, it makes for a nice experience of local life.